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December 31, 2015

I was never quite the social guy. I never really knew why, though. I wanted to talk to you so many times. Walk up to you and just chat away, like an everyday triviality. Make you smile, make you laugh. Make myself smile.

Except I couldn’t. I stammered, and blanked, and paused, and thought, and ahed and ummed till you were gone.

You weren’t just one — there were many of you through my life. I failed every time, with each one.

Unless maybe it was through a man made device. There, you would think I’m fairly normal, sociable. But I even blew that as well.

Now, my time has come. That part, that phase of my life, it is lost and will forever haunt me. I am chained.

And He, I think — He ruined me. I didn’t even know uptil now when He ruined me again.

Goodbye. I never matched up anyway.

There is no ‘The One’: Part III

November 19, 2015

(contd)

I will be eaten up. One thing remains, however — Other ‘me’s will have lived out my other dreams and goals. In other universes, where I am a king, or a god, or a hero. Or a savage villain, a killer, a murderer. Or a beggar, or a poet or artist. Everything I want to be and see exists, only in another plane of the universe. A parallel world, unseen and untouchable.

The me, right now? It’s just one such world, with it’s problems and it’s limited paths.

As for the woman of my dreams? She, too, exists in every world as a different form.

She even exists in multiples, right here in this word. An innumerable quantity I could spend a good life with.

But at the end, you just have to pick one. It is not ‘the one’, it is one of many that you will never see or meet.

There is no ‘The One’.

There is no ‘The One’: Part II

November 12, 2015

(contd)

I’m no longer religious. I’m less judgemental and less docile. And I no longer wish to lead a humble life. Simples, yes — I just hate chaos and needless fire-killing.

The me that exists now wants to consume the world. I want to see everything, do everything, learn everything, and live to tell about it.

It’s a ridiculous proposition, but it’s there, eating me away with the passage of time. No matter what I do, how hard I move my limbs, I cannot outrun life itself. It will consume me, leave me devoid of one thing or another. It’s apt, in a way — the greedy man is the one to get eaten up.

I no longer want a simple woman, or a simple family. I want to see ambition, art, drive. Intelligence and style. I want to see a hunger, a search similar to mine. For growth and experience. For living.

I will be eaten up.

There is no ‘The One’: Part I

November 9, 2015

Soundtrack: Emptyself – Nothing follows, nothing stays https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p5rBHpm0z_Q

Once upon a time I was a very simple man. Patient, religious and docile (And silently judgemental, but not enough to create chaos). I wanted nothing more than to find another simple woman to escape the frustration & complexity of the world with. Get married, run away to the mountains and live a simple, barebones life of artistry, supplication, shopkeeping, fresh air and mountains while my wife painted along with me and raised kids.

That was the past. The me that is now is very, very different.