Archive for the 'personal' Category

Sold

December 31, 2015

I was never quite the social guy. I never really knew why, though. I wanted to talk to you so many times. Walk up to you and just chat away, like an everyday triviality. Make you smile, make you laugh. Make myself smile.

Except I couldn’t. I stammered, and blanked, and paused, and thought, and ahed and ummed till you were gone.

You weren’t just one — there were many of you through my life. I failed every time, with each one.

Unless maybe it was through a man made device. There, you would think I’m fairly normal, sociable. But I even blew that as well.

Now, my time has come. That part, that phase of my life, it is lost and will forever haunt me. I am chained.

And He, I think — He ruined me. I didn’t even know uptil now when He ruined me again.

Goodbye. I never matched up anyway.

Heart

November 2, 2015

They say the heart wants what it wants. Why does mine want just so damn much? Why couldn’t it settle for less?

Am I greedy? Ungrateful? Yearning for a life that’s impossible, yet spinning my wheels and getting burned out?

Or am I naive? Exposed to too much for my own good, destined to frustrate myself to the end?

Or am I broken? Filling a void from years past? Which one, of several?

There are actually some people who would rather just live life loving, spending time with their closest ones. Laughing, being happy and making others happy. And I’m willing to bet they’re the ones who get hundreds of people on their deathbed, genuinely missed by all. Is that where I need to be, instead?

Hell

October 31, 2015

Communication and respect. Not having these two is hell, I don’t care who you are, where you are.

Sad thing is, hell is often found at home. Not on purpose, no, but through years of poor habits, dumb “should-be’s” that are never questioned, and an aversion to learning & growth.

It is not your sons and daughters duty to repair bridges that you yourself broke repeatedly over the years. How could they, even? Every time it left a little scar inside their body, right in front of their heart. Imagine those times spread over two decades. And it’s all just supposed to vanish, just like that?

No fucking way.

weakenening

June 10, 2012